This week has been a crazy one for me. So many emotions, so many challenges, so many accomplishments, and so many blessings. It has been a fury of emotions. I have been sad, happy, stressed, relaxed, had a ton of energy and been exhausted. It sounds like a typical week for all of us in 2022.

This week I “re-closed” on the same house I purchased 23 months ago. To many it would sound like a typical re-finance but those who have been following my page or have had to put up with me over the past several months know that it was anything but typical. It wasn’t what I expected, what I planned for and not necessarily what I wanted. For months I have worried about where I would live if the bank didn’t allow me to refinance the house entirely on my own. What if my salary wasn’t enough, my credit score wasn’t high enough or what if the appraisal wasn’t enough? I haven’t done any of this on my own in over 30 years. All of these questions have played over and over and kept me awake more than one or two nights. I should have but didn’t remember that I have a savior who was not surprised but has been working on the tapestry of my life for this exact moment.

I remembered this week that doors opened for me to get my current job that were unusual, and the timing was perfect. If I were to be honest my job is stressful and there have been times that I didn’t think I could do it anymore, but I have always stuck with it and given my very best. I could not see four of five years ago just how important sticking with it would be to my future. Today it is that very stressful job that has afforded me the opportunity to stay in the home my dogs and I love and be able to afford it on my own. I have never been a “bougie girl” never had to have the best of anything, so I humbly realize just how fortunate I am and how God has provided this blessing. When we purchased this house the first time (only 22 months ago) I would sit at the top of the hill and pray that when we moved into this house, we would always remember what a blessing it was and make sure it was used to benefit others and for the things of God.

My intent still is to figure out how to do that. I want my home to be a place that people feel is open and place where God’s love can be felt. Since the separation last July, I have utilized my home for church dinners and a weekly bible study. I am still thinking of additional ways that this home can be used for the glory of God and the advancement of his plans.

The house closing was my bittersweet blessing for this week but definitely a place that I could see God’s hand in my tapestry and an opportunity to use this home to serve him.

There are times in our life where we can clearly see God’s had in the tapestry of our lives and others were all we can see is the messy side. There are even events in our live that cause us to question the design plan.

One of the things that has caused me to question the design plan even though I see God’s hand in other areas of my life is my recent diagnosis of MS. (Multiple Sclerosis) This is probably a shock to some but not to those closest to me who already know. In January of this year, I received the official diagnosis. This was after a brief stint in the hospital in November where they told me it was most likely the issue. To say that I felt gut punched would be an understatement. I remember crying out in the hospital. Why God why this on top of my impending divorce? This was another thing I didn’t see coming. Out of nowhere I now have a chronic illness. I felt as if I had been hit by a second train. I began to think will anyone ever want to love me again with this news, will I be alone for the rest of my life now. What would happen to me how would this impact my life, more questions to keep me up at night. I began to think I wasn’t strong enough to face this. I was so desperate after Dale left and now this, how would I ever figure it out. I can honestly tell you I would have given up if not for my amazing support system of family and friends. So as much as I wasn’t seeing it God was again designing the tapestry. Taking the messy strings of one side and stitching the picture of my life as he plans it to be. Providing friends and family to support me that he put in place for many years.

To say that I have it all together and have fully accepted this diagnosis would be a total lie. I have days where I am totally afraid. I have an amazing neurologist who is compassionate, kind and one of the most highly recommended in the State. (another sign that God is in the lead) When he kindly said I can’t cure this for you but I can fix you so you will have a great life and be able to do all the things you want to I felt a sense of comfort. When he said I had a light load of the disease I was so grateful because I have dreams and things I want to do. I am trying to realize that with God by my side he will provide and help me through this. He will make me loveable again. He will give me the strength I need for whatever I face. The doctor told me that often after a year of the medication he is starting me on soon patients have no signs and don’t even know they have MS so this is my prayer. I would covet and appreciate the prayers of my readers as well.

One of the things I do know about MS is that it is brought on by stress. This is why my prayer for myself this week and for my readers is that somehow, we can encourage each other to seek Jesus. Remember to seek him as his burden is light and he offers rest and peace to those who trust.

My goal is to keep you all involved in my journey with MS, but to in no way let MS define me or my life. I know deep down God’s plan is better than mine and MS or my divorce will not be the end of my story.

I am looking forward to moving ahead with some positive things on this page and in my life. Have a great weekend everyone!