I hope today’s encouraging word finds everyone having at least an okay week. I have come to appreciate okay weeks. In my journey since my husband and I separated I have felt every emotion you can imagine, and I have discussed many of them but the emotions I haven’t discussed are joy and happiness. It may seem strange to talk about these things during what has been a really tough period but over the past several weeks I have begun to feel joy again. Today I caught myself really smiling for no apparent reason and it wasn’t forced, or it wasn’t work to feel that way. I am not saying I haven’t laughed, smiled and had fun in the past 7 months because I have, but those moments are not what has been in the forefront of my life. The joyful moments have been limited for sure.

There is almost a sense of guilt when I have fun or feel good because what I have faced was devastating. There is guilt that the end of a marriage, it is a failed promise and internally I have been asking myself how to find joy again in the midst of such failure. I have wrestled with the sense of mission “not accomplished”, that I failed and thought it was too soon to be happy or joyful. What would people think if I seemed joyful? Would it mean that everything about my life had been a lie? Would it mean that I was happy for what had occurred? Have I waited long enough to respectably let myself be happy again?

Today while I was at the gym listening to music, I began to think that God has really brought me through a lot, and he wants me to have a sense of peace and joy in all circumstances knowing he is in charge. I began to think that his timing is really perfect. It is not a surprise to him that my marriage has ended. It was a total surprise to me and yet he knew I was going to go thru all of this. I am again reminded that he has been putting things in place for this time my entire life. I have connected with old friends, drawn on old experiences, made new friends and had to step out and do new things. I have had to be strong and deal with many things on my own that I have never done before.

Thru all of this I am starting to remember that that I am a daughter of the King, and he sees me that way, not as the failed wife in a marriage. He is a comforter and friend who likes to see his children smile. What father is not happy to see his daughter smile? Our heavenly father is no different. I have decided that the guilt I feel for being happy isn’t healthy in my healing process and it is okay to smile. It is okay to allow myself to be happy again. Not saying there still won’t be hard days because I know there will, but what I am saying is that I will not feel guilty on the happy days and in happy moments. I am reminded that while I made many mistakes over the years because in every relationship it takes two people, I did everything humanly possible to avoid this outcome. I can rest and take comfort in knowing that. I can stop punishing myself and know that God does not want me to punish myself anymore I intend to continue to trust God for my joy and explore where he wants me to go. I want to trust the things or people he puts in my life to bring me to where I need to be. To bring me the joy that only he can.

The bottom line is that it isn’t too soon to be happy. There is no standard timeline. It does not mean my life was a lie, it doesn’t mean that I am happy about what has happened or is happening, it means that I need to trust God with my future. I have seen his hand in so much recently and while my marriage is not going to be repaired, I personally am being repaired and restored daily. I want to encourage each of you that how you feel is valid whether it is sad today, angry today, bitter today, frustrated today or even happy today. It is okay to smile and begin to appreciate each one of your blessings even in or especially during the tough times.

We serve an awesome God. Knowing that allows us to have joy and peace. We are reminded that we do not walk through this life alone. A friend recently told me they were counting their blessings last week and realized once again God is Good. I think that really says it the best God is Good in all situations.

Have a great day everyone!