Some days are harder than others and today was one of those days. Sometimes watching someone you really care about go through something difficult can make you question things even more than when they happen to you. This may seem crazy after all I have gone through this year but that is where I was today. I felt like God was sooo very far away from me. I felt like I was struggling more than I could explain and more than I should be considering the pain I know a close friend is feeling. I felt so very sad. Having a migraine really didn’t help, but that wasn’t all it.

I was lying in bed at about 3:00 this afternoon which is surely sign to those who know me that something isn’t right. I was struggling to get myself heading towards a good place emotionally when my house phone rang. I usually never answer it, but I did and on the other end was a neighbor that I have never met. She was wanting me to sign some political petitions. I can’t even explain how, but somehow, we connected, and she asked if she could pray with me over the phone. Some would say this was a totally random coincidence but, in my mind, I know it was definitely a “God Thing” I believe it was a divine appointment. God knew that I was doubting his nearness to me in a big way, I was hurting a lot today and this was reassurance that he is always with us.

After I got off the phone, I cried at the realization that even when I doubt Jesus is near. I have had a few of these experiences this year and I am trying to remind myself with each one that God is near the broken hearted. It was always easy for me say until the broken hearted was me.

I decided after the phone call to look back at one of my journals to remind myself of where I was spiritually before this year. The rest of this blog is directly from my journal May 2018.

As I caught myself talking to Kyle’s new puppy this morning, I found myself saying please try not to chew anything Annie just be the best Annie you can be today. I realized as I said those words that God is often saying that to us. “I know you are not perfect – just be the best you that you can be today and seek me and I will be there with you.”

While on vacation I often take the time to reflect on many things, take time to notice those around me and understand that often in life it is the path we didn’t plan on or anticipate that has the greatest positive impact in our lives. God has a tapestry planned for our lives that is woven from many different circumstances, people and events all coming together for fulfilling our purpose in God’s Master Plan which is to glorify him.

Often when I sit by the ocean, I am reminded how big God’s plan really is compared to all of us. I am humbled that the same God who made all the vastness I see cares for me, cares enough to know every hair on my head. I am reminded that each of us experiences difficult things, and we learn difficult lessons, but one thing that has really been on my mind is not buying into what the world says happiness looks like. Sure, we are told every day what happiness looks like -use this product go to this place and your life will be happy. It floods us. Financial security will make us happy, own this type of house, this type of car, have this job, exercise just little more and happiness is right around the corner. It has taken several years of reflection to know that happiness isn’t what is sold to us on TV. It isn’t planned out in any perfect way it comes when your JOY comes from the Lord, and you face each path he puts you on knowing he is there with you. Care about God and others and JOY will be yours. Matthew 6:33 and Matthew 6:19

As I venture out today, I am reminding myself to be the best me I can be where I am at today but don’t expect perfection. Put God first when I make decisions and he will light my way and love me through my mistakes no matter what they are.

If I could write this is 2018 surely that same God is taking care of me and all of you today. I thank God for reminding me on a day I was emotionally and physically drained. I thank him for the people who encourage me each day and point me back to Jesus. I thank him that when people we care about hurt and there isn’t anything we can do to fix it we can pray, and he will be near to them too.