Happy Saturday everyone. I got up today with no real plan. I did some cleaning and then decided to take myself on a mini adventure. It was sunny and no snow which is rarity it this area so better take advantage of it. I told myself I would go visit somewhere and add the pictures to the travel section of my page. Was that really what I was doing or was I trying to prove something to myself.

I think if I were honest, it was a little bit of both. You see this week has been a wild ride for me many loose ends in my life have resolved. With my house closing completed, my divorce completed, and my ex-husbands proclamation of his new-found love publicly to our friends I have jumped some pretty high hurdles to stay functioning this week. Through it all I try to stay tough and independent and show people I can get through anything. I am however struggling with my MS diagnosis more this week than I have been. I think it is starting to feel real now that I truly have time to process it. I have had so many plates in the air to try to keep moving that I could sometimes downplay the diagnosis or my concerns.

Today however, when I woke up my hand still felt like thousands of ants were crawling in it. When I tipped my head, my body got an electric shock through the entire thing. This was a very real reminder that I have MS. I will be starting treatment in a little less than two weeks and while the prognosis is good it does not come without fear. Fear of the unknown can be very debilitating, and I could feel that overwhelming sense this morning that’s why I decided to get out and do something. As I thought about going on an adventure, I also thought will I always be able to do this? What if the doctor is wrong what if I do become a burden? Will the medicine take the sensation in my hand away? Will the medicine make me too tired to do anything? When exactly am I supposed to be concerned about symptoms? The MS questions were swirling through my head.

When I got in the car to leave for Watkins Glenn, which is a beautiful area in NY State on Seneca Lake, it was much more about proving I could do it than it was about adventure. There was a part of me playing over and over in my head you better do this while you still can. There was another part saying this is just the beginning of your adventures.

For most of the day I listened to the second voice and enjoyed the weather and the amazing views. I stopped along the way to take pictures and appreciate what God had provide for us to enjoy here in Central NY. I stopped and prayed. I prayed for family members, friends, the situation in Ukraine, and many other things that were on my heart. I went to my favorite places in Watkins Glenn, the olive oil shop, the antique store on Main, and Glenora Winery up the hill in Dundee. I sat by the water for about 15 minutes with no phone, no one else around and I pondered several things. First of all, I looked at the beauty all around me and tried to remember the God who orchestrated all of this really does have my life in control. I then watch the hundreds of birds at the edge of the water and thought how God even cares for the sparrow and how we are not to worry because if he cares that much for a bird how much more does he care for those created in his own image. The water looked so cold, and I thought that reminded me so much of the world today with a cold frigidness that can’t be explained. I then quickly reminded myself that the same water that looks so cold right now will be a place of peace and enjoyment in a few short months and how great it would be if we as Christians could help to warm this world in the same way. Offering a prayer or a helping hand it a world that is just simply too cold. Could we make a difference in just a few short months?

I got a really classy lunch at BK and ate it by the water talking to a friend on the phone before heading home from my quick little adventure. I would love to tell you that I was strong, amazing, spirit filled and adventurous all day but that wasn’t the case. About halfway home on the hour forty-five-minute drive I began to be overcome by my own insecurities. I share this so anyone going through tough times in life can realize it is possible and likely you will experience a multitude of feelings all in the same day. The tears can often overwhelm you when you least expect it. Kind words from someone when you don’t know how to process someone caring about you any more can even be the trigger. It can be a trigger to try to tell people what you think and feel when that has not been validated for you in the past. Understanding feelings do matter now even if they haven’t in the past is a monumental hurdle for me.

This journey we are all on called life is going to be tricky at times, beautiful at times, messy at times and I am determined to keep growing through it all and help others grow with me. Without God by my side, I would not be making it and I appreciate the fact that I am still standing and ready to face tomorrow. In the words of a famous hymn ” because he lives, I can face tomorrow, because he lives all fear is gone.” If anyone has something they would like prayer for, leave it in the comments below and I will add you to my prayer list. Have a great weekend!

Let’s check out below some of my Watkins Glenn adventure: